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There are times when I feel surrounded by mud and chicken poop. The mud gets into the cracks in my feet and hands and I simply can't even scrub it away. Dust and dirt fills my house and my baby crawls around in dirty pants from sitting in the greenhouse. My one pair of cut off shorts that I run to the grocery store in has permanent dirt stains on them and make me feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.
Our budget is ZERO. If it isn't free; we can't get it. It is like eating a piece of humble pie to compare my farm with the lovely backyards out of magazines or HGTV. I live in the city so I want my barn or chicken coop but I want it to look like a garden cottage. I will tell you a confession of the heart right now... I want pretty things. Yes, I want a farm. Yes, I want to raise my own food. No, I don't want it to look junkie, smell funny, or appear run down. So when you are faced with the reality of buying a run down, falling apart house, with a yard that hasn't been mowed regularly in years and having a ZERO budget things don't always look like you want and it can be discouraging. What can you do but keep on trucking?
I trust the vision in my head and hope that some day it will look that lovely in reality. Until then? Who says you can't have a pretty farm?
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| Decorating the Farm |
To read the whole New York Times article entitled The Decorator Shed. It certainly isn't much of a working farm but I can relate to the feelings behind giving up on the working farm life and giving into the pretty... OK just a bit.
It's hard when there's no budget. Maybe make a list of all the things that make living on a farm worthwile. I think it's the best thing for children.
ReplyDeleteI read this from Debbie Pearl recently... "Joy is the result of a person who decides to give thanks. 'Thank you, God for...' "
I hope I don't sound like I'm judging you - I'm not meaning, too. These are just things I've thought about as well.
Elisabeth
Elisabeth - Sorry I am just getting around to commenting. You are very very right! I don't feel judged. I appreciate what you said. I have come a long long way since the time in my life when I endlessly wanted stuff. In it's place is a new problem or struggle every time. If we were perfect we would be in heaven right?!?
ReplyDeleteThat being said I do try to find at least one moment each day where I am grateful. I do appreciate that we have a house, job, and food. But what I have been struggling with for the blog is a desire to be real. I am not sure how to do that and be positive and useful to others at the same time.
I don't want people to think that things just come easily to our family because that just isn't true. We have to work hard at our character and land to keep moving forward.